Book Review: Parenting with Love and Logic

I am a reader.  As a parent, I enjoy reading books that give me ideas and methods that I can apply in my life to help teach my kids and to grow in my role as a mother.  I recently read through the book Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay.  I was not asked to review this book and am not being compensated for this review.  I borrowed the book from my local library and appreciated the book enough to want to share it with my blog readers.

I read the updated version that is copyrighted from 2006.  The original version was from 1990.  The book is split into two parts, each distinct from the other.  Part one is titled "The Love and Logic Parent" and includes 8 chapters covering the basic concept and methodology of the Love and Logic parenting style.  It also talks about praise verses encouragement and explains other parenting styles and why they are less than desirable.  Part two is titled "Love and Logic Parenting Tools" and includes 48 "Love and Logic Pearls"; as titled, the tools are just that and are very applicable, specific examples.

Before becoming a parent, for the most part I knew nothing about how to be a parent.  I knew certain ideas and read a decent amount about what to expect from babies and had made certain decisions about pacifiers (ha) and sleep training (double ha).  Mostly, I knew it would be hard.  It has not disappointed me in that respect.

I enjoy parenting books because I get to read from people who have been parents, who have worked with kids, and who have studied various methods and seen the results.  I am a "learn from others is best" type of person as I do not like to learn through the experience of hard knocks, if I can avoid it.  So books are my resources and I enjoy mulling over the various ideas, methodologies and discussing them with my husband and others.  Then I find out through experience whether they work for my family.

One of the hardest parts about being a parent is literally not knowing what to do.  What am I supposed to do when my child is in a screaming fit and inconsolable?  What is the right action on my part when both of my children are screaming at each other?  It is also easy to reciprocate and have an emotional meltdown in response to that type of behavior.  It is also a typical human reaction to want to avoid conflict.  Children do not allow for avoiding conflict as they are constantly creating it.  So what is the right answer?  How do I teach them to treat each other (and me) with more respect? 

I am not going to offer answers to those questions, but I will say that the book Parenting with Love and Logic is worth the read since it does offer answers.  I am hoping to read it through at least one more time because it is not possible to remember all of it and apply all of it at once.  It is a learning process for me to consider it all and to implement parts of it to the best of my ability as I see opportunity to do so.

Parenting with Love and Logic focuses on helping parents to have a thoughtful approach to their relationship with their children and to help parents teach their children how to think and be prepared to live life.  I want my kids to have the tools they need to be mature, responsible adults someday.  I appreciate the approach of the book, though I may not agree with everything it says.  It explains how as parents we need to slowly give our children more control over their lives; to give them more opportunities to make decisions so that they can be confident in making good decisions when they are grown and on their own. 

Here's a Love and Logic Tip from the book about rules for control battles: avoid a control battle at all costs; if you're going to get into one, win at all costs; pick the issue carefully.  This is one tip I have understood since my kids were little, before reading this book, and it has definitely helped.

It also talks about being willing to let your children make mistakes.  We all do make mistakes, especially as parents, so we need to let our children make mistakes so they can learn from them.  The book says more about it.  Speaking of mistakes we make as parents, the end of part one in the book says "It's never too late to start".  No matter the age of your kids (assuming they're still under your roof), the benefits you and your kids can gain from the Love and Logic approach are still available.  "The important thing is to build a relationship with our kids that will last a lifetime - long past the end of their adolescent years.  And it is never too late to work on that."

To all you parents out there.  It's hard.  You're not alone.  Look around and ask questions and see who might have the answers to help you in this life-long walk in parenting.  As I am sure many of us know, as soon as you think you have it figured out, something changes and we have to start from square one again...

Singing off...zip-a-dee-doo-dah
Gina

Question for you: What is your favorite, go-to parenting book?  

Being Intentional With Music

As a singer and a music lover, I want to help my children grow in their love and appreciation of music and also to help them each to develop music skills.  Both of my children are naturally attracted to music.  If music is on they smile and dance and try to sing along at times.  They often sing their own tunes or I recognize them humming songs they have heard before.

In our home, we play music from our phones, music from our computer and other devices; we even have a CD/tape player that we use.  My son is quite adept at turning the tape over and hitting play.  So my kids listen to a variety of music, sometimes by their request and sometimes because my husband or I have it on to listen to.

We have a piano in our home - a gift from my grandfather - which we brought all the way up from Florida.  I grew up singing with my grandpa while he played that piano so it reminds me of many wonderful memories.  It has been a wonderful addition to expose the kids to music and to let them tinker with the notes and "play" their own songs.  I'm looking forward to actually having them each take piano lessons when they are old enough, mature enough, and have hands that are big enough to play.

One of my local libraries has a music story time that we have also enjoyed going to.  It has been a fun way to introduced different types of instruments to the kids since the man who leads the music time brings different ones for each class.

At home we'll have "music class" where I instruct them to copy my patterns of hand clapping (to learn rhythm) and notes that I sing to challenge their pitch recognition.  I keep it short and fun and I really enjoy seeing them figure it out.

And of course they see my example as I sing for fun or to practice for a performance.  My daughter has been hilarious lately, singing loudly with me, as I am singing at home.  Recently, I have also been practicing and learning to play hymns on the piano (this is a first for me).  So my kids are seeing my example in that area as well, which I hope will encourage them even more to learn the piano as they are old enough to do so.

While music has many purposes including personal enjoyment, first and foremost, I want my children to learn that music is a gift from God and I want them to know that the gifts and skills they have and develop are ones that they can use to serve God and others.  I am looking forward to seeing them use music in service throughout their lifetime.

Singing off...sing unto the Eternal
Gina

Question for you: In what specific ways do you bring music into the lives of your children?