http://news.unl.edu/newsrooms/today/article/researchers-explore-impacts-of-sibling-rivalry/
Rivalry is not what I want for my children. I want them to get along and love each other and be friends. I love that I have a boy as the oldest child who can be a leader and loving older brother to his little sister. So far he is a loving older brother.
What can a parent do to foster sibling love, not rivalry?
A lot.
Before my daughter was born I took a lot of consideration into how my little boy would react to his little sister. Even the spacing of their ages was in part due to wanting them to get along.
Here are some areas to consider - and what we did:
1) Will the older child have to give up the bed (crib) they are in for the sibling?
We moved our son out of the crib and onto a floor mattress as a transitional step and then into a big bed before his sister was born so he was not displaced by her and was used to his new big boy bed.
2) Will the older child have to share a room or change rooms to accommodate the sibling?
The mattress on the floor was in his old room and the new bed was in his new room. So he did transition to his new room before his sister was born as well.
3) Will the older child be included in the new dynamics of the newborn baby or excluded?
At various times I asked him to hand me a new diaper during diaper changes and I asked him to bring me a burp cloth when needed. He is at an age where he loves to help and this included him in the baby centered activities.
4) Will the older child have Mommy and Daddy time apart from the newborn baby?
When my husband gets home from work he usually gets to spend some time with our son before we sit down for dinner and during the day he gets lots of time with me when his sister is napping.
5) Will the older child have to share toys?
This is the hardest one because it is changing over time. She does not get into his toys yet, but I hand her his toys from time to time so that she can hold different textures and to see what my son will do. He can be playing with a full box of blocks and get very upset that she is holding just one block. He wants that one block to use that she has. Oh, two year olds. But these have been teaching moments. Moments to explain that he needs to speak and communicate instead of fuss and whine; moments to teach him that she can give it to him if he trades her and gives her something else to hold. He is learning that she can start participating too and (with my help) add her block to what he is building. I also have toys reserved just for her (teethers and other such baby toys) and while sometimes he wants to take those and play with them, other times he brings the toys to her and says, "here are your toys."
Relationships have an ever growing and changing dynamic and their relationship will be one of continual focus for me so I can continue to foster what has started as a beautiful picture of sibling love.
I'm new at this, so for any seasoned parents who have children with great friendships, please comment and share your wisdom of experience.
Singing off...We are family
Gina
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